The Do’s and Don’ts of Playing Video Games: An Illustrated Guide

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines “video games” as “video games”.

There are many ways to play video games. You can play them at home, play them on the bus, play them with the love in your heart, or play them with the hate coursing through your veins for the horrible little creatures that live on your screen.

The real hot tea is that there are actually right and wrong ways to play video games. Many don’t know this, but it’s actually true. Who knows? You may have been playing games badly all your life, and if that’s the case, you can actually go to jail for it. I don’t make the rules, I just report them.

Anyway, since I’m a very helpful person with a dump truck brain and a desire to educate, I thought I might just indulge in some crazy stuff to follow. These tips will not only make you the best player in the world, but will also potentially result in a trillion dollars in your bank account and a lifetime supply of Envirokidz Chocolate Koala Crisp cereal. You are so welcome.

DO: Give the video game a sweet kiss

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The video game is your friend. you bought the video game, and now it’s an important part of your life. When you buy a video game, it is now in your custody and you must take care of it. Hey, you might even have a strong connection to gaming. It may not be sensitive, but it will fill any necessary void. Isn’t it beautiful?

It’s perfectly legal and allowed to give your video game a sweet, sweet kiss. Especially if it’s Bweezil Dweezil Frying Simulatorbecause this game was made to be kissed and made to be cared for. Bweezil Dweezilit is frying simulator has not only been voted game of the year 10 years in a row, but it is also considered the world’s best friend in the gaming world.

You can kiss her gently.

DON’T: Go further with video games

play video games
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Oh shit, look what you did. You made things weird. You kissed Bweezil Dweezil Frying Simulator, which is perfectly legal and encouraged. However, you decided it made sense to buy the second game in the series, Bweezil Dweezil Frying Simulator: The Squeakuel, and make love with.

Although it’s legal because it’s literally just plastic and paper, you definitely shouldn’t do it for several reasons. First of all, the game will be unplayable when touching human sperm and sweat of any kind. The disc turns to dust and the image of the protagonist and extraordinary fryer Dweezil Bweezil ages 15 years in an instant.

Second, it’s going to be awkward unless you plan to marry your copy of Dweezil Bweezil Frying Simulator: The Squeakueland if you marry, it is illegal to divorce.

DO: Invite your friends to play

The Do's and Don'ts of Playing Video Games: An Illustrated Guide
Image: Ruby Innes/Kotaku Australia

One of the best parts of the game is sharing it with other people. Cooperative games allow you and a friend to experience a side-by-side adventure, working together to reach the end goal. It’s a bonding experience truly like no other. Multiplayer games can introduce healthy competition between the two of you, battling to see who will win.

If you have a friend, the best way to let them know you’re thinking of them is to ask them to play a game with you. Who knows? It can help you become even closer than before, or maybe it will ruin your friendship because one of you realizes the other is extremely competitive and generally horrible to be around.

DON’T: Invite your enemies to play

play video games
Image: Ruby Innes/Kotaku Australia

Now, it might seem like a good idea to ask your enemy to play a video game with you. Hey, if you play It takes two with a buddy can bring you closer, maybe playing Portal 2The co-op mode of will help you and your nemesis find common ground and maybe even become friends. Maybe even become best friends. Maybe even marry and die together.

Or… you will die. Your enemy has finally found the perfect opportunity. They have you all alone. They’re wearing a shirt that says “I HEART GAME”, lulling you into a false sense of security by tricking you into thinking they love “video gaming”. They brought a PlayStation Move controller, which you thought was weird because you play Mario Kart but you ignore that for some reason.

And then they catch you. The PlayStation Move controller digs into your chest and you’re done. Big mistake. So sad. Don’t risk it!

DO: Try playing a new game

play video games
Image: Ruby Innes/Kotaku Australia

As gamers, we have certain tastes. It’s a no-brainer, because there will always be a specific type of game that really tickles the enjoyable part of our brain that makes us feel entertained. However, sometimes if you play one kind of game for so long, you will start to get bored and maybe even hate that kind of game. That’s what happened with me and farm games .

Saying that, why not try something new? There are so many different video game genres, subgenres, sub-subgenres, etc., so why not try something else? There are games where you can play a floating ass farting to get flown through pipes and picking up toilet paper, and there are games where you can have sex with a woman. The opportunities are endless!

DON’T: Try playing an ancient game that contains a mummy’s curse

The Do's and Don'ts of Playing Video Games: An Illustrated Guide
Image: Ruby Innes/Kotaku Australia

See how I said to try something new? Ok, so I now recommend you NOT to do the opposite.

A long time ago, the first video game was created. It was 50,000 years ago for the Xbox One and was developed by an evil spirit who also had a bachelor’s degree in games and interactivity from Swinburne University. This spirit decided one day that he was going to develop a game containing a curse of the mummy, which happens to be the most evil curse imaginable.

If you find this game, which unfortunately is available for purchase at most EB Games stores and is also called Gabadoobabadadoogie Quest, do NOT play it! If you play it, the curse of the mummy will awaken and reveal itself as a deeply evil ghostly being called Gorongo who will NEVER leave you alone!

All he wants is to sit on your sofa and watch Cocomelon! It will use your phone, laptop and tablet to watch Cocomelon all day and it will NOT charge devices when they run out! If you don’t let him use your phone, laptop or tablet to watch Cocomelon, he’ll transfer into your bones and make you do an embarrassing dance in front of your peers! NOT worth it!

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